As usual, I have to make a prolog
for almost of my postings. Well, this
one also need too just like others. Why?
I frequently laughed to myself every time I re-red my postings. Sometimes I think that became too emotional
or sensitive. And probably so does with
this one will lead me to laugh again later on.
Ahh..it just what I want to share with you guys, so just enjoy this as
my personal postings. J
***
At this age, middle 20s, not
graduated yet nor married yet. Problem? Not really for me, but yes for many
people around me. Being asked and forced to do both so badly is such a
common-but-tiring thing. Who said I don’t care? I want them so badly too. Unfortunately,
in my opinion, God doesn’t allow me to reach both altogether recently. Why?
Asking God’s decision is not a wise way.
Thus, I do believe that God has written this for several reasons that
soon will be revealed beautifully.
Form my sake, being forced for
the first issue is acceptable. I do realize that it’s too long for me to finish
my under-graduate program. Besides, I have
to focus in many other things except my study-thingy. Furthermore, I really miss to start studying
and doing study-tasks again in new atmosphere. I’m constantly dreaming about
leaving my hometown to continue my study that is going to be impossible if only
I’ve finished my under-graduate program.
Hemm.. ’acceleration’ term sounds very interesting for me then. But,
still, the main requirement to graduate first should be fulfilled.
On the contrary, the second one
seems debatable for me. That’s too much for now one. First of all, I’m not even reach my bronze
age *CMIIW*. Second of all, I’m not
ready yet to share my life with someone. So classic? Maybe yes, but that’s the
fact. I still can’t imagine how to deal
with sharing anything together with ‘stranger’.
That’s why earlier I told that I need to leave not only my house, but
also my town in order to deal with that case, hopefully. Another reason is that I don’t think I’m
capable enough for now on to take care of somebody else. The biggest evidence is the fact that I’m not
graduated yet till now. You don’t need
any evidence, do you?! Above all, I still need some times to be available and
useful for others while searching for precious experiences and continuously learning
to be a much better person.
Well, I confess that sometime I
got so jealous when I found my friend got married and had child. But I never
jealous with those who just hanging around with what so-called their special
friend. Marital relationship is much
more convincing than just ‘illegal’ romantic-relationship that seems delusional
for me. However, what to do when God
doesn’t allow yet and so do I (not ready yet).
The best thing that I can do is praying and trying to upgrade myself so
I can be a much better person to be a worthy-partner of life-to be for my
future spouse and a qualified ancestor for my precious offspring. Aww.
In addition, the fact that I
start my job without having a proper certificate yet seems very frustrating
once. Even though not so many people stated
objections straightly, but I felt really uncomfortable of that fact to
them. Aside of that, it’s also quite
difficult for me to focus on such a particular activity due to my never-ending-deadline
of graduation. I admit that being a
teacher is not my interest from the beginning, but by the time, I find it
really interesting and challenging. Being
a qualified educator is not as easy as it looks like. Not only how smart we are literally, but also
how smart we manage a learning process (dealing with material, students,
sitting arranging, media, evaluation, lesson plan, etc). People might title is not everything, it’s
not always that worthwhile; but still it’s necessary.
To conclude, I have no objections
when people being worried of my study. But,
I’m really sorry that people being so curious or even feel pity for my romance
life *halah* is no need for me, at least for these few years. For the first occasion, I do realize how
important to finish what I’ve started. Moreover,
it’s an honor to make my parents happy (and perhaps proud as ‘oh..finally my
sweet girl finished her study’ ckck). For
that reason I do promise to relief everyone around me by finishing it as very
very soon as possible. However, for the
second one, I can’t make any promise on fast mode. I just can ask people to patiently wait a
little longer for the next few years. I don't think to make it as fast as possible, unless He leads me to do so. J
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